Are You Comfortable Doing Things Alone?

🎧 👉 Prefer audio? You can also listen to me share about this in podcast episode #045 here.

Are you comfortable doing things alone? Have you ever gone to a movie alone or gone to a restaurant alone? What about doing a fun activity alone?

Just a few weeks ago, I went skiing ALL BY MYSELF!

I have always been pretty comfortable being alone. And I know that one of the main factors in that is that I grew up as the only child in my household since my brothers are 7 and 10 years older than me from my Dad’s prior marriage, so they lived with their mom, whereas I was my parents only child.

I actually really enjoy time to myself, and I have found that it makes a difference if I can carve out some solo time each day. It really recharges me, and I know I show up better in my relationships when I take that time.

As ski season opened up a few months ago, I got really excited to go skiing because I had just started skiing again last year after about a 10-year gap. I did a podcast/blog all about that: “Much Too Young to Feel this Old" (and it also has some fun pics of me skiing when I was a kid). If you have ever felt really out of shape and unhealthy, not to mention feeling guilty and/or sad about the state of your body, check out that post where I share a moment of reckoning I had a few years ago and what I finally did about it so that I did NOT have to give up my dream of skiing again.

As this recent season came around, I got brand new ski boots that were properly fitted for me. Plus, I got custom insoles. I was so excited to be more comfortable and not end up with bruised shins like I did like year.

I have a few friends who like to ski, but I knew they weren’t going to be ready to go up until later in the season. And to be honest, something was really pulling at me to plan a solo ski day.

So I did some research online and found a bunch of ski bus options near me, which would mean that I could drive just 30-40 minutes and then get on a nice bus that would drive the remaining 3 hours to get to a ski resort. I was excited to see there would even be a bathroom and wifi available. So taking the bus would make the trip so easy, and I could get there feeling rested. And then have a fun day skiing. And then get back on the bus and nap during the 3-hour ride home.

So I did it! And it was such a delightful day! My word of the year happens to be “delight,” and I really did have a delightful day.

A few people in my life definitely seemed puzzled by me doing this alone. But for me, this was a really fun day.

As much as I love spending time with people I love, there was something wonderful about doing something like this solo.

Even when we’re with people we love, there’s energy involved in coordinating with each other, talking and listening to each other, and all the little negotiations that we don’t even realize happen during time spent with another person.

It’s important to distinguish between being alone and being lonely. It is totally possible to be alone joyfully.

I want you to check in with yourself right now and see how comfortable are you with being alone.

If you aren’t comfortable being alone, ask yourself why? Is your inner critic too loud when you’re alone? Or are there some uncomfortable feelings like sadness or grief or worry or something else that doesn’t feel good that comes up when you’re alone, so maybe it’s easier just never to be alone so that you can avoid feeling those feelings?

I spent a lot of years keeping myself super busy (especially when I was alone) so that I could avoid feeling my feelings. If you do that too, I invite you to get curious about it. What is it that you are afraid to feel?

One of my favorite quotes by Rhonda Britten is:

“The feeling you’re afraid to feel is running your life.”

I know from personal experience, as well as from working with my clients, that getting support to allow yourself to feel the feelings you are trying to avoid, is absolutely critical to being able to change your life for the better. Avoiding them doesn’t help you create the life you really want. Picture those feelings as big heavy rocks in a backpack you carry around but are too scared to ever open up. Although, I bet if you’re like me, you wouldn’t initially connect that with fear, you’d likely say that you were too busy instead of too scared. I think that’s what I used to think.

And I’m not saying it’s easy, but boy, is it totally worth it.

I’m so grateful I got help to finally look at what the heck I was carrying around and then give myself permission to feel those feelings.

Getting healthy and picking up my hobby of skiing again are a few of the awesome things that resulted from doing that for myself.

If you’re even just a little bit curious about how I may be able to help you create a better life for yourself, send me a DM. I’m @charisyourlife on all the socials.

“What a lovely surprise to discover how unlonely being alone can be.” 

– Ellen Burstyn

🎧 👉 Prefer audio? You can also listen to me share about this in podcast episode #045 here.